


I don't want you to hate me

by Aiskuriimuneko



Category: Ranma 1/2
Genre: Accidental Engagement, F/F, both parties are in denial but for how long, idiots to lovers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2020-10-08
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:41:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26664619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aiskuriimuneko/pseuds/Aiskuriimuneko
Summary: Shampoo gives Ukyo the Kiss of Marriage by accident.
Relationships: Kuonji Ukyou/Shampoo
Comments: 8
Kudos: 31





	1. Chapter 1

It was the most peculiar thing, Shampoo thought. Hadn’t she and Ukyo been acting a bit too civil with each other lately? 

The usual hostility between the two had slowly but surely reduced over the course of the year. Since when did enemies fight on the same side with no hesitation, on more than one occasion? Or easily join together to devise sneaky plans to rid themselves of Akane for good? They did agree on a lot of things. And Shampoo hadn’t even considered fighting Ukyo when the two had joined the Tendo’s trip to the hot springs last month. Had she simply grown used to Ukyo’s presence? It was an unnerving thought but strangely enough. . .not unpleasant.

It wouldn’t do to be lax, Shampoo thought hastily. Ukyo Kuonji was her rival. An obstacle who, like Akane Tendo and that annoying ribbon girl, stood in the way of her future happiness with her husband to be. If Shampoo let her guard down thinking she and Ukyo were — were _friends_ or something, she would only have herself to blame if Ranma was taken from her in the near future. Shampoo couldn’t allow that to happen. She needed to give Ukyo — and herself — a clear reminder of where the two of them stood, as enemies.

She had to give Ukyo the Kiss of Death.

* * *

Shampoo had issued Ukyo a challenge note and specified the time and place for their fight. Shampoo was all the more determined to get this over with when she had caught herself considering whether or not it would be suitable to write the challenge in sauce on okonomiyaki. Why was Shampoo considering Ukyo’s feelings at all? She was here _precisely_ to sever any friendly ties between them, dammit!

Nevertheless, Shampoo was waiting atop a brick wall in a vacant lot not too far from either of their restaurants — because it was easier for Shampoo that way. If it happened to be that the meeting place crossed Ukyo’s usual path home from school, it was entirely coincidental.

Shampoo didn’t have to stew in her thoughts for long, thankfully. Ukyo was nothing if not punctual, emerging from the corner of the street in her school uniform with her signature spatula. Her eyes were narrowed and looked anything but happy to see Shampoo.

She. . .Shampoo was doing the proper thing, right? She shook her head free of any lingering doubts and willed a confident smile regardless.

“If you’ve read my note,” she spoke, trying to sound like she knew what she was doing. “You know why Shampoo called you here.”

“No kidding,” Ukyo said as she approached Shampoo slowly. She tossed aside her school bag and swiftly pulled her giant spatula out in one go. Impressive. “You wanna fight me, don’t you? Isn’t this just usual business? Why issue a challenge?”

“It’s more than that,” Shampoo replied. She jumped off the wall and approached Ukyo as well, with a hand on her hip. “Shampoo wants to make it. . .official.”

Ukyo’s brow furrowed but her grip on the handle of the spatula only tightened. “Oh? Enlighten me.”

“You’ve heard of the Kiss of Death, haven’t you?”

Ukyo’s shoulders went slack just a little. Her spatula lowered. “Yeah. Ran-chan told me how you marked him for death when he defeated you as a girl.”

“And marked him for marriage later as a man,” Shampoo added smugly. She didn’t know why she added that, aside from possibly wanting to gauge Ukyo’s reaction. Would she bristle with jealousy still? She didn't look amused but made no comment on it. “Shampoo is giving you the same kiss.”

Ukyo's brows raised. “Uh, okay? But is it. . .you know,” Ukyo pointed awkwardly at her mouth. “—on the lips?”

Shampoo’s face went aflame immediately. “No! That’s the Kiss of Marriage! You’re not getting that one!” she quickly yelled out loud, her fists clenched.

Ukyo recoiled a little at Shampoo's strange outburst, visibly annoyed but accepting. “Alright, jeez,” she sighed. “It makes no difference to me, but I guess I’ll go along with it if it's an Amazon thing. Make it quick.”

Ukyo stuck her spatula into the ground, her grip on the handle was relaxed but quick to draw it if need be. Shampoo swallowed a little but took the cue to approach her waiting opponent. She saw Ukyo’s gaze lower to the side as the two were in close proximity, her other hand stuffed into the pocket of her gakuran, no doubt concealing a weapon. Ukyo was no fool, after all.

Surely with the two standing so close now, Ukyo had to be able to hear the irrational, yet loud pounding of Shampoo’s heart? There was no way she couldn’t. Similar to how Shampoo couldn’t help but notice Ukyo's nice scent or the incredibly blue depths of her eyes. Shampoo’s fingers followed the slope of Ukyo’s face till they rested snugly against her jaw, gently holding her in place as Shampoo’s face inched closer towards Ukyo’s left cheek. It would be over soon and too soon for Shampoo’s liking—

“Shampoo! I finally found you!”

Mousse’ annoyingly loud voice cut through an otherwise dreamy moment and Shampoo was silently fuming. Her rage subsided instantly when she felt Mousse knock into her from behind and propel her body forward. Ukyo’s head turned in alarm just as Shampoo’s lips fell smack into hers. Mousse was, in the meantime, standing in front of a construction sign and shouting declarations of love and date proposals at the inanimate object.

“Shampoo? Why aren't you saying anything? That is you, isn’t it?” Mousse questioned before he put on his glasses. He turned to see the real Shampoo standing nearby. “Shampoo! I’m here to ask you on a — uh…”

Ukyo quickly pushed Shampoo aside, her hands shooting up to cup her mouth. Ukyo's face grew impossibly red in color but fortunately for her, Shampoo looked no better. “I thought you said it wasn’t that kind of kiss!”

“It was stupid Mousse’ fault, not Shampoo’s!” she retorted hotly. The two girls stared helplessly at each other in awkward silence, while Mousse decided it was best if he quietly exit stage left. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> felt like i could stretch the story a little further so lets see where it goes B)

“Ukyo, your towel is about to catch on fire.”

“What?” Ukyo blinked before she hurriedly removed said cleaning towel from the side of the stovetop where she had carelessly left it. “Shoot.”

Ranma and Akane exchanged a look before Akane put down her chopsticks. “Ukyo, are you feeling alright?”

“Yeah, of course,” Ukyo replied easily without looking. She was expertly flipping two half-cooked orders of seafood-style okonomiyaki on the griddle. “I’m feeling terrific! Why do you ask?”

“Well, to start,” Akane began. “you mixed up my order with Ranma’s and they were both overcooked. Like, on the verge of being burnt," she emphasized this by lifting a charred piece of dough from her half-finished plate with her fingers. "and, um, have you noticed that the other customers who ordered a while ago have left already? Because you’re still cooking like you haven’t noticed.” 

Ukyo scanned her restaurant for any occupants and found none except for Ranma and Akane sitting at the very front. She had been too absorbed in her own thoughts to pay any attention but Akane was right. On a Saturday too?

“Dammit,” Ukyo grumbled and went to toss the inedible okonomiyaki in the trash, perhaps harder than intended. “I bet this is what she planned all along.”

“Who?”

“Shampoo, of course!” Ukyo retorted hotly. She promptly turned on her heel to rant. “Who does that girl think she is? There I was, playing along with that whole ‘Kiss of Death’ thing—“

Ranma choked on his sip of water.

“—but then the girl can’t even aim her lips at the right spot! How hard is that?”

Akane’s frown disappeared the moment she understood what Ukyo meant. She brought up a hand to stifle a giggle. “No way, did she kiss you on the lips?”

“It’s not funny!” Ukyo said and crossed her arms, only to uncross them again to angrily dump her used utensils in the sink. “It’s a ploy to mess with my head but I’ll show her.”

Ranma leaned back on the chair with his arms behind his head. Okay but why would a kiss cause Ukyo to lose her focus like this? Sure, it probably upset her — he’s been there too — but Ukyo has never been the type to let anything personal interfere with her business, not even sickness. For Shampoo to be occupying her thoughts to a point where she could barely cook something she’s known and eaten since childhood — wait. Ranma’s chair fell backward as he stood up to slam his hands on the table rather dramatically. “Ucchan, did you _like_ it?”

“What?” Ukyo’s face heated up instantly. “Of course not, you dolt!” she said. “I’m pissed at her!”

“Oh please, we all know you can cook perfect okonomiyaki in your sleep, let alone when you're angry,” Ranma easily countered. He leaned forward till he was smugly looking into Ukyo’s annoyed face. “Sure you're not lost in thought because you’re thinking about S—“

“One more word, Ran-chan, and I’ll shove one of these up your ass,” Ukyo promised darkly with a raised spatula. Ranma immediately gave up on his case but not without wearing a triumphant smile as he took his seat again. Akane had been playing with the dark bits of her ‘toasty’ lunch in the meantime.

“So, if Shampoo gave you the kiss on the lips, even by accident,” she pondered aloud. “Does that mean you’ve earned the right to be her betrothed?”

* * *

“In a matter of speaking, yes, she is engaged to you now." 

Shampoo was fiddling with the hem of her shirt as her great-grandmother confirmed her doubts. Her mind was racing with a million thoughts. “Oh.”

Cologne didn’t look particularly shocked by the news. On the contrary, she was reading through Chinese magazines like this was just another day of the week.

“Don’t look so glum, child. Your engagement to son-in-law still takes precedence,“ she assured confidently. “Ukyo Kuonji has yet to defeat you in combat to seal the engagement. Your commitment to her is half-complete at best. You needn’t worry about it.”

Shampoo’s eyes lit up with hope. “Really?” Cologne was one of the tribe elders after all, so there was no way she could be wrong. Shampoo could still remain Ranma’s most worthy betrothed!

“I’m sure of it. You _are_ stronger than Ukyo, are you not?” Cologne questioned. She looked away from her reading material to fix Shampoo with a look that had her squirming. Truth be told, Shampoo had never been able to defeat Ukyo, not even once. So it was best to assume that they were evenly matched in terms of skill. Cologne didn’t need to know that.

“Of course,” Shampoo nodded with a self-assured smile that felt rather forced. “All Shampoo needs to do is to defeat her once more to annul the engagement for good. Consider it done!”

“Good,” Cologne remarked, turning her eyes back at the magazines. “Mousse is doing the dishes, so you have the task of doing deliveries today.”

Shampoo took a look at the list of addresses and breathed a sigh of relief. None of the addresses were close enough to Ukyo’s restaurant to risk them running into each other. Shampoo had barely been able to wait on tables without tripping over her own feet, she didn’t know if she was emotionally prepared to deal with Ukyo so soon, and certainly not to defeat her.

It could wait till Monday.


	3. Chapter 3

Ukyo came to school on Monday and noticed pretty quickly that something was amiss. Her classmates were acting differently today; stealing quick glances when they thought she wasn't looking and generally whispering amongst themselves in a manner they thought was secretive. It was a strange phenomenon that continued until lunch break before Ukyo decided it was time to confront them about their weird behavior. 

Surprisingly, she was the one who ended up being cornered by a group of girls the moment the bell rang.

“Ukyo, you gotta tell us! Is it true that you and Shampoo have been dating in secret?” Yuka grinned. “And that you just recently got engaged?”

Ukyo was left silent before she could even go on the offensive, her eyes blinking slowly with confusion. She was unable to muster a response for a few seconds before her mind properly processed the question. “I— _what?_ ”

“Oh don’t be shy, Ukyo! We heard all about your romantic escapades,” Sayuri added with sparkles in her eyes and a giggle. “I must say, I had no idea you had feelings for Shampoo.”

“I saw it from a mile away,” Asami proudly declared. She cupped her chin with one hand and looked like she had just solved a great mystery. “Their engagement to Ranma was obviously a way to cover up their relationship. I’ve seen enough drama television to know _that_ tactic.”

Ukyo’s face was burning as she struggled to make head or tail of what these girls were saying. How on earth had they found out about the engagement? It could only have been— _those two_. Her eyes searched between the countless faces staring at her and caught two individuals currently trying to flee the classroom.

“ _You!_ ” Ukyo hollered, loud enough to startle the two over the sound of multiple conversations in the air. Ranma and Akane froze as Ukyo cut a path through the students and stomped her way over to them. “Really? You told _everyone?_ ”

“I didn’t!” Ranma quickly defended, hands held up in surrender. Akane was twiddling her thumbs next to him, trying her best to avoid Ukyo’s blazing eyes.

“I-I only told the rest of my family about it over dinner but, um,” she added nervously. “I guess I should’ve figured Nabiki would use it somehow. Ukyo, I’m really sor—“

“Save it,” Ukyo interrupted, her fingers pinching the bridge of her nose. What a mess. She took a deep breath.

“Okay. I’m going to clear this misunderstanding," Ukyo said firmly, her words sounding more like she was trying to convince herself than her friends. "and that’ll be _the end of that_.”

Apparently, it wouldn’t be. The second Ukyo finished her sentence, someone busted through the wall of their classroom in quite a familiar fashion. The smoke and debris cleared to show Shampoo with her arm raised in standard greeting. “Nihao!”

Shampoo had expected the surprised looks from her unorthodox entrance, as was the traditional reaction to her frequent school visits. What she hadn't expected was Ranma’s classmates making their way over to her with excitement instead of shock. They blinded her field of vision with their faces, eagerly shooting her questions that she could barely make out from all the talking.

“—you here to see Ukyo?”

“—it really is official then! Good for you two—”

“—you’ll invite us to your wedding, right? I’ve always wanted to see China—!”

Shampoo gasped out loud at the nature of these questions. Did that mean Ranma knew as well? She turned to look and saw him spectating next to Akane and Ukyo. Shampoo locked eyes with Ukyo who appeared equally as perturbed, too embarrassed to form the words _You told them about the kiss?!_ so she hoped her look of utter betrayal would be able to convey the message.

Ukyo grit her teeth, quickly going over to grab Shampoo’s hand before whisking her out of the classroom, much to the dismay of the questioning students. 

* * *

Shampoo and Ukyo had found a temporary quietness in the open space of the school’s rooftop. They took a moment to catch their breath and rejoice in their successful escape, at least until—

“Shampoo can’t _believe_ you told—"

“Oh hush, it was clearly Ran-chan and Akane who couldn’t keep their mouths shut! Besides, _you_ kissed _me_ so really, everything is your fault!"

“ _Mousse_ shoved Shampoo, it's _his_ fault!"

Ukyo resisted the urge to scream. Arguing with Shampoo was always frustrating but today was even more exhausting than usual. She paced restlessly around the roof, hoping the fresh air would cool her down. Shampoo was leaning against the chain-link fence and staring at the ground with crossed arms. For a long time, they said nothing.

“So what?” Ukyo asked after a while. There was a little less bite and a bit more hesitation in her voice. “Does the kiss. . .mean anything? Like—is it valid like the kiss you gave Ran-chan?”

Shampoo didn’t answer immediately. Her arms shifted from crossed to wrapping themselves around her frame. She still wasn't looking at Ukyo. “Yes.”

It felt like a stab in the chest to hear but Ukyo feared as much. She turned to meet Shampoo's eyes. “Isn’t there a way to—“

“The engagement is not binding,” Shampoo added. “At least not yet.”

Ukyo paused. “What?”

“Great-grandmother told Shampoo that in order for the engagement to be annulled, Shampoo must defeat you in combat. After all, Amazon women seek only the strongest partners.”

Ukyo frowned at that, feeling a little defensive. Why that was the case, she didn’t know. “Oh. So if you defeat me. . .”

“—everything goes back to normal,” Shampoo concluded. When it came down to it, Shampoo knew Ukyo would understand and she certainly wouldn’t refuse such an easy deal to terminate their engagement. Soon enough, they would go back to being enemies again, even if the nature of their relationship didn't quite fit the textbook definition. 

Ukyo had her arms crossed and a frown on her face, appearing to be deep in thought.

“What’s the problem?” Shampoo inquired. “It’s easy. Just let Shampoo beat you.”

“It’s _not_ easy,” Ukyo retorted. She fixed Shampoo with a serious look. “It sounds like an easy solution to you but I’m a martial artist, Shampoo. I won't accept defeat unless we fight for real and I don’t hold back.”

“Wha—“ Shampoo sputtered. Although she understood the sentiment, Shampoo didn’t think pride was the most important factor in this disaster of an equation they were trying to solve. Or rather, an equation that Shampoo was trying to solve because Ukyo was being completely uncooperative right now. “That's not—do you want us to stay engaged? Shampoo is trying to help us _both_ out, stupid!”

“I want to end the engagement but not on your terms!” Ukyo yelled back. “This could all be to your advantage, you know! You’re just trying to make me look like a weakling in front of everyone. Well, nice try, honey,“ Ukyo drew three spatulas from her bandolier, ready in her grip. ”but I wasn’t born yesterday.”

Shampoo’s face heated up at the condescending pet name, her hands clenched and ready to strike.

* * *

Ukyo entered third period English with her uniform wrinkled and torn and her body littered with bruises. She and Shampoo had tied again, which didn't surprise her. They went their separate ways quietly after the fight, seemingly too drained to utter any biting last remarks. Ukyo’s classmates watched in silence as she plopped down onto her seat and flipped through her English textbook, trying to determine which page the teacher was translating when—

“Damn, that Shampoo’s got some claws, huh?”

“Oh my God,” Ukyo groaned, her forehead hitting the desk.

The rest of the class erupted into a fit of giggles. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **shampoo probably:** it started out with a kiss  
> how did it end up like this?  
> it was only a kiss, it was only a kiss


End file.
